The Thrill of the Ninja by Hyuuga Hizashi
by TakeTenEyes
Summary: Neji's having the worst day ever. His team mates are going out with each other and his relatives are pissing him off more. But will the book written by his father drain his anger away? Funny, hope you could R&R at least, thanks...
1. Hanabi pisses him off

**R&R please and sorry in advance for whatever you don't like from this fic…**

"Damn it, those team mates of mine! I could just...just...JUST!!" Neji Hyuuga was in a bad mood...it got worse as soon as he found out that he opened the door strongly to see Hanabi lying on the floor in pain.

"What the hell, Neji?! Argh!!" Hanabi groaned in pain as Neji just grunted. "Get.Out.Of.My.Way." Neji said sternly as Hanabi raised an eyebrow with a soured face.

"Nuh-uh! You almost killed me!" Hanabi exclaimed as Neji lifted Hanabi by her collar and hang her on the coat hanger nearby.

"What the hell again! Put me down, Neji!!!!!!!!!" Hanabi yelled as she was crying immaturely. "Shut up" Neji grunted angrily as he stormed off inside one of the vacant rooms to meditate.

"Stupid...freaking...team mates..." Neji muttered as he sat in his 'mediation' pose and breathed in and out then closed his eyes.


	2. Hinata pisses him off

"Ohmmm..." he said calmly as he could feel someone's presence appearing nearer to him.

"Neji-niisan..." he knew it was Hinata whispering these words.

"Ohmmm..." Neji replied as Hinata just sighed heavily. "Hiashi-sama wants to speak to you..." Hinata said quietly.

Who cares if he wanted to meet him? His uncle was a total pain in the ass everyday. The only reason he could control his temper was because his uncle trains him well. But today was the only day that he will refuse to meet his uncle.

After all, he was in a bad mood today.

"Ohmmm..." Neji hummed with patience though his eyebrows were knitting together since Hinata didn't move an inch from her spot.

"Hiashi-sama wants to speak to you about Hanabi..." Hinata gulped.

_The apple doesn't fall from the tree. Hanabi is twice the pain to my ass than my uncle._ Neji thought as he grunted a small 'Hn'

"Ohmmm..." Neji hummed again with a thought of _'I can't believe Hinata's related to the both of them...wait, I actually can't believe I'm also related to the both of them!'_

"Hiashi-sama wants to talk about how you've treated Hanabi awhile ago" Hinata said this genuinely concerned.

"Ohmmmmmmmm..." Neji hummed longer as veins were thickening around his tight closed eyes.

_That brat! Why I ought to kill her in her sleep. Who knows what punishment I'll bear from Hiashi-sama...I should've have done the 'one thousand years of pain' jutsu to Hanabi. That would totally shut her up..._

"Neji-niisan..." Hinata wanted to explain further but then...

"OHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Neji moaned impatiently as he opened his eyes with his Byakugan activated.

"Don't you get the point that I am not in the mood to associate with anyone else?!" Neji said angrily as he was in his stance to apply Jyuuken on his terrified cousin.

"Go-gomen, Neji-niisan!" Hinata said nervously.

"Oh well, HI-NA-TA!" Neji said sarcastically and stressed each syllable in Hinata's name.

"It's too late for you to stutter your apologies!" Neji yelled angrily as Hinata was so scared about the outcome of Neji.

"HIYAH!!!!!" Hinata said with tears coming out from her eyes as the reflexes from her foot had kicked the equipment between Neji's legs.

And boy did that hurt.

"You are so gonna pay for this Hinata!!" Neji said as he was crawling all over the floor with his hands clutched over his equipment.

"Gomennasai again, Neji-niisan!!!" Hinata cried as she ran out of the room and politely closed the doors behind her.


	3. Hiashi suggests

"She's so gonna pay...totally gonna pay...I'll kill both of my cousins. Just they wait, just they wai-"

"NEJI!" Neji looked up to see his uncle standing before him.

_Oh damn...he's going to think that I'm a crybaby right now...I.Must.Resist.The.Pain._

Neji got up slowly trying to get rid of the pain that was stinging in his equipment.

"Yes, Hiashi-sama?" Neji strained himself to curse as he bowed down politely to his elder.

"I don't know why you've treated Hanabi like a secondhand jacket but that doesn't give you an excuse to escape the punishment I'll give you" Hiashi said this very clearly with his angry deep voice.

"Gomen, Hiashi-sama. I had an unpleasant day thanks to my stupid team mates" Neji explained as he now stood properly since the pain was fading away.

"Why what happened?" Hiashi asked curiously and crossed his arms.

"I found out that my team mates were going out together. I saw them together at Ichiraku ramen and I fully well know that they saw me there, too! Next thing you know, they left holding each other's hands! I MEAN, COME ON!!! LEE, THE BOWL CUT HAIRED THICK EYEBROWED WEIRDO DATING A BEAUTIFUL SKILLED KUNOICHI?!!! TOTAL TORMENT AND TORTURE TO MY EYES!!!" Neji yelled as he wanted to sob away his loneliness.

"I see that you love her." Hiashi replied simply as Neji just blinked.

"That's it?! No advice or some sympathy?! Do you expect me to say thank you from your reply?! AND DUH! I SO LOVE HER! THE OBVIOUS HAS BEEN STATED, HIASHI-SAMA!" Neji exclaimed with his arms waving dramatically.

"Here." Hiashi said calmly before handing out a book to Neji and left him wondering.

"Wtf is this?" Neji looked at the book that was held in his hands.


	4. Steps of the Thrill

**'The Thrill of the Ninja'**** by Hyuuga Hizashi**

Neji just stared at the book and thought well about this.

"Hmm...interesting" Neji said as he flipped the pages of the book.

**Step 1. Tracking your enemy, the trail should be picked up well.**

"Ha!" Neji laughed to himself silently as he imagined doing these steps to capture Tenten's heart.

"_There they are..." Neji said as he saw footsteps on the ground that were going further and further as they grew from every step taken by Rock Lee and Tenten._

"_Oh, Tenten-chan! Your youth blossoms so beautifully that it caught my heart to see your youth bloom again" Lee said this sweetly as Tenten blushed._

"_What an ugly chat-up line..." Neji grunted._

**Step 2. Pursue them silently making sure that they won't know your presence.**

"_What else is going on between them?" Neji said to himself as he shifted himself towards._

"_What was that, Lee-kun?" Tenten said worriedly as she hugged Lee's right arm comfortably since she heard the bushes ruffling out of nowhere._

"_Don't worry, Tenten-chan! Whatever it is, I will protect you with all my heart and that's a promise!!" Lee said raising his left arm to give his thumbs-up and flashing shiny smile._

"_Oh, Lee, you're so youthful..." Tenten sighed lovingly as Lee nodded proudly._

"_Show off..." Neji whispered angrily._

**Step 3. The couple must be separated no matter what and take precautions that the male is the deadliest among their species.**

"_Cha!" Neji said as he wanted to laugh about this predicament but refused to do so as soon as he saw Tenten not letting go of Lee's arm._

"_A-hole" Neji muttered._

**Step 4. Set a trap that will lure the male shinobi away from his partner.**

"_This is quite easy..." Neji smirked as he transformed himself into the exact version of Gai, Team 13's sensei._

"_OH LEE!!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO? I AM TRAPPED HERE! SAVE ME, OH YOUTHFUL STUDENT OF MINE!!!" Neji, who looked like Gai, said this convincingly like he can and even placed his hand on his forehead dramatically._

"_Oh Tenten-chan! I must bid a due. I need to save Gai-sensei for he is the most youthful being I have ever met. My apologies again, Tenten but you must know that I love you oh so very much!" Lee yelled this with all his heart and kissed Tenten on the cheek before leaving to save Gai._

"_I love you, too, Lee!!" Tenten said crying in tears of joy as she placed her hands to her chest feeling in love._

"_He is a dead man..." Neji thought and then smiled evilly as soon as Lee came running towards him._

"_Gai-sensei, what seems to be the matt-?"_

_WAPAK!!_

_Neji had just hit the most vital point in Lee's body that placed Lee in a state of unconsciousness._

"_As I say..." Neji dismissed the jutsu and was back to his real self "...this is quite easy"_

**Step 5. With the male subdued, aim immediately to the female shinobi and capture her for further information**

"_You love him, huh?" Neji snickered as he pounced behind Tenten placing the tip of the kunai to her throat._

"_Neji, what are you doing?" Tenten said being scared as Neji didn't reply and took her captive._

**Step 6. Now as soon as possible, drag the captured female shinobi quickly before anything dreadful happens.**

"_Neji, how could you do this to me?! Lee, where are you?!" Tenten cried as she was inside the net that was dragged by a determined Neji._

"_Hn!" Neji grunted as they were at the location._

**Step 7. Place the hostage in a cage for a sufficient period until she has suffered enough**

"_Neji, please! It has been two years already! Don't you know how it feels to be locked in a cage forever? Hell, you've got the cage bird curse with the seal on your forehead!!!" Tenten complained as Neji was beside the cage and sitting peacefully._

"_Oh don't worry; I'll let you out soon" Neji smiled mischievously._

"_You keep saying that!" Tenten exclaimed as she was trying to rattle herself out of the cage._

"_Tell me again how you love me more than that stupid Rock Lee" Neji said begging for it hungrily._

"AFFIRMATIVE! I HAVE MADE MY DESCISION! I SHALL DO THIS TO WIN TENTEN'S HEART AND TAKE HER AS MY WIFE!" Neji said as he drifted away from his imagination and slammed the book close.


	5. Explain please

"Those two deserve it...they totally deserve it, no matter what!" Neji said angrily as he was boiling mad.

"Neji-san. Two of your team mates are here wishing for you to come see them in the living room" the maid came by as Neji turned to see the maid with his mad look which made the maid save herself.

"Well, well, well, well, WELL!" Neji grunted as he crossed his arms since he arrived at the living room to see Tenten and Lee holding each other's hands.

"See, Tenten? I told you Neji was angry that time" Lee whispered loudly to Tenten's ear.

"I HEARD THAT!" Neji said pointing at Lee accusingly.

"But it's true!" Lee pointed out as Tenten calmed Lee down.

"Neji let me explain..." Tenten said as she let go of Lee's hand only to show that there was a bracelet placed at her palm.

" It's for you, Neji...I had to hide it away from you that time by holding Lee's hand since both of our pouch bags didn't have space for the bracelet to fit in" Tenten explained as she had pink blushes on both of her cheeks.

Neji was...speechless.

"I love you, Neji" Tenten said taking interest on the floor.

Neji took the bracelet gently and wore it. Then he leaned over to Tenten to give her a sweet simple kiss.

"I love you, too, Tenten" Neji whispered as Tenten smiled which made Neji smile back.

"YOSH!!! TRUE LOVE BLOOMS!!!" Lee said happily as Neji rubbed his temples and did one last thing.

WAPAK!


	6. Next morning

Next morning...

"OH, LEE! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT?!" Gai exclaimed as he was crying dramatically at the lump that was huge at Lee's head.

"HELLO?! CAN ANYONE GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID COAT HANGER?!" Hanabi yelled angrily as she was still hanging there.

"HINATA! WHAT'S GOING ON?" Kiba yelled as he knew Hinata wasn't concentrating.

"Yes, Hinata, anything seems the matter?" Shino said curiously.

"A-ano...my foot hurts so much" Hinata said as she was turning red.

"Why?" Kiba and Shino said this at the same time.

"Neji-niisan's...crotch is really hard" Hinata said as Kiba and Shino backed away from Hinata.

"HEY, HINATA, WASSUP?!" Naruto said cheerfully as Hinata turned and didn't know what to do...

...this ended her up to kick Naruto in the equipment that was between his legs.

"Oh my gawsh! Hinata!" Kiba said this in his 'girly-screamish' tone as Akamaru whined.

" ..." Shino's eyes were big behind his glasses as the bugs were fainting one by one.

"My foot still hurts..." Hinata said pouting her bottom lip.

"HOW COULD THIS BE?! I LET NEJI READ YOUR BOOK AND ALL I GET IS THIS CURSE!!!" Hiashi yelled as his fists slammed on the desk.

"I'm sorry, sir but the Icha Icha volumes are out of stock" the cashier said with no emotion.

THE END

**you know the scene were neji is spying on lee and tenten? that's just him imagining since he is overreacting about a simple situation, got it?**

**The equipment is a man's….private part and all…**

**Also, I couldn't think of any good ending….so yeah.**

**Sorry about the OOCness but it was needed for this oneshot to be funny.**

**Also, this is a NejiTen fic not a LeeTen fic…**

**Uhh…I love Kiba and Shino so much….I feel so disappointed about torturing them by making Kiba seem gay and Shino seem like a coward.**

**I have no regrets on what I've done to Naruto, though.**

**R&R PLEASE!!! THANKS IN ADVANCE! READ MY OTHER FICS TOO IF YOU HAVE THE TIME!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything here that belongs to Naruto. I don't even own Archie comics….how did Archie comics get here? Because I was reading one strip out of boredom and was inspired to make this oneshot…**

**Thank you for reading this and hoped this oneshot made you laugh till you piss your pants off…**


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